The Throne

Yesterday Jim replaced our dysfunctional master toilet with a new porcelain throne. He is my hero, and I'm not being sarcastic. The old toilet just wouldn't cut it any longer and as we are having renters move in soon, well, I didn't want them to call us two seconds after moving in to complain about the master bathroom toilet. So, after a plumber charged me $65 to tell me that our potty was not salvageable, Jim went off to Home Depot, his favorite home away from home, and came back with...The Throne. And I'm not joking. This sucker is tall. Jim and I are fairly tall individuals and I'm pretty sure that many of our shorter friends would need a stool if they were going to use The Throne. It's actually kindof nice to not have Sammie looking down on me as I do my business in complete and utter non-privacy, because the former potty was only about two inches taller than Sammie's pink potty chair. But we didn't realize the height discrepancy until Jim installed, The Throne, and our feet barely touched the floor when we were perched on top. Ok, ok, enough toilet and bathroom descriptions. I'm sure the images that you have in your head are not very pleasant right now. So instead I'll move onto a different, but related topic.

Do you realize that even Presidents have to go #2? They always seem so important and powerful on the TV, but really, they are just like us. They have to take a dump like everyone else. Yes, I know, this is not what you thought you'd be reading about when you logged on to my blog today. You thought you'd get a nice post about babies and toddlers, but boy were you wrong. So, yesterday as I was pondering how Mr.Obama also poops, I started to wonder....where? Does he run back to the Residence part of the White House so he can get some privacy? Or does he use the closest bathroom to the Oval Office? Because if he used the Oval Office bathroom, then everyone would know who "stunk it up" and that might be embarrassing. I was articulating these thoughts to Jim, and after rolling his eyes and telling me how strange I was, he proceeded to put in his two cents on the matter. He said that the President can poop wherever he wants to because he's the President and no one is going to say anything about him "stinking it up" because he's the President. This is probably the case, but I still can't help chuckling thinking about his chief of staff or secretary trying to keep a straight face when they catch a whiff of something stinky coming from the President's "throne room".

And while I'm on the subject of toilets, has anyone noticed how small the stalls have gotten in public restrooms these days? I mean, come on! I have to straddle the toilet and lean over it just so I can have enough room to close the door behind me! Maybe my rear end has just gotten too big, but I still don't like have to pull a Twister move in order to manuever the door closed while holding my diaper bag and/or shopping bags and trying not to drop anything in the toilet! I thought that maybe it was just me. Maybe I'm the crazy one and stalls have been miniscule in department stores all along. But then one day I found a public restroom where I could enter the stall, have ample room to turn around, and then close the door behind me. I think the angels started singing. I didn't have to dance around the toilet or lean over it in order to squish the door closed behind me. It was a miracle. I don't think its just me after all. I think that as America has gotten bigger, restroom stalls have gotten smaller.

I think I'll just leave it at that for today.